Being faced with challenging life choices is never a nice place to be in. No matter how clear you are with your ethics and direction, life happens, and it can turn everything you believed or were working towards, upside down.
You are trying to sort choice after choice and at the same time consider, what everyone else has to say.
You have well-meaning friends throw all the uninvited advice and solutions at you. It feels overwhelming.
And even when you did ask for advice, what comes back is way too much to process, or worse, it is completely missing the point of your mission.
Now you are left here, feeling misunderstood, unheard, confused and alone.
Clarity at this point, seems impossible. Everything is tense. Your friends don't get it. Your family thinks it's all a bad idea and your intuition is completely blocked. It's like your mind and body are filled with stuffing and you're wrapped in tangled cables.
'How can you possibly think this is a good idea?'
'How is this helpful in any way?', 'Do you have any idea how hard this is?!'
"Do you not know me at all?'
Disappointment starts to reflect in your relationships. If they love you so much, how can they not have anything useful to say?
Anger starts to bring in arrogance, unrealistic expectations and conflict.
Let's clear that up before it gets out of hand.
Friends' reactions and advice might feel like they are missing the point. Have you thought about why? They might not have your answers, but conversation can serve your clarity. Have you explained your issue slowly and deeply enough? Have you shared your answers and concerns that came up based on their advice? Keep opening yourself up, share more, slow down, listen. They might not have your answers, but they can help you brainstorm. Lay it all out. Check in with yourself as you listen. What stings? What feels right?
Not everyone will understand you. Not because they are bad people, but they might not have lived through a situation that helps them resonate with yours. After your initial attempts, see how you feel and look to surround yourself with people who have had similar challenges and have overcome them. Ask a lot of questions. If you are not sure of a loved one's piece of advice, check in with yourself. Was there resistance in their suggestion? Was there fear? You are looking for people with a more solid and grounded understanding of your problem. This might be a family member, acquaintance, friend or therapist.
No one ever managed to untangle themselves from a net, through kicking and screaming even more. When you are feeling the heaviness of your mind fog, go to a quiet space, set an alarm for 40 minutes, and sit. Let your mind say all the things it needs without engaging with it. No matter how heavy the words, no matter how pointless. Let them run until they run out. And breathe.
-Feel your feelings-
Stop trying to feel good when you obviously are having a hard time. Get in touch with the feeling, name it, accept it. Find where the discomfort is in your body. What colour is it? What is it saying? What does it need? Listen to your body. If you feel like you need to cry, cry, if you feel angry, punch a pillow, if you feel unheard, write in a journal or ask a non-judgemental friend to sit and listen to you vent.
-Follow the cues-
Once you’ve started releasing thoughts and feelings your mind will, without a doubt, start seeing glimmers of solutions. The answers you are looking for might not come as one big shiny eureka moment, they might come in scattered sparkly clusters and breadcrumbs towards the right path.
Some additional tips for your process:
Choose your friends and battles
Remember, not everyone will be in the position to understand you and your path. There will be people who will judge. Many out of fear of the unknown, but don't let this drag you down. If you are feeling like you need to explain yourself and your actions, this might not be the person for you right now. A good test will be to ask 'would you like to know why I think like this?' or 'have you ever experienced anything similar?'. People who care about you and want to help you forward will ask you questions. They will try to put themselves in your shoes.
Give yourself permission to say no to the noise.
Just because you are friends or family does not mean you are obligated to listen to what they have to say. Yes, of course it is important to allow people into your experience, but if advice is feeling intrusive or overwhelming, you have every right to say 'not now' or 'no thank you' or 'I'd rather not get into this right now' or 'I need some space with this, too much talking is making me feel overloaded'.
I hope this little block of text helps you with your decision making. I hope it grants you the freedom to move towards what feels right to you. Even if things don't seem clear right now, trust me, they will clear up and you will be on your way. I have been there, we all have, and you've got this!
If you would like to delve deeper into a space of inner peace and clarity, you can book a distance Reiki session with me here.
Much Love to you all